2020 Vision | Finding Joy

I am 56 years old.

I look in the mirror now and see Morgan Freeman’s love child staring back at me.

At this stage of my life with all the global Pandemic drive people nuts, I am asking big questions of myself.

I have achieved everything I set my heart on.

Now, my big question is what now?

Lockdown.

No Work.

No Income.

Diminishing Savings.

My Mother with Dementia.

This represents the greatest challenge of my entire life. Finding joy in this space of uncertainty is almost impossible.

Equanimity has become my best friend - acceptance and Galatians 22 in the Bible; living in accordance with the fruits of the spirit.

This time last year, I was in Argentina 🇦🇷. This was an extraordinary adventure full of magic, friendship, image creation and deep gratitude for my work. Teaching students magic, workshops and public performances is my joy in this crazy ass life.

Blessed is the man who has found his work.

Now, I don’t even know if I will ever perform again,

This thought doesn’t sadden me, I am sad for my audience. I will not do my show if my audience are afraid to be in my company. Social distancing has made certain for sure the psychological damage it has caused.

Intimacy, connection, authentic expression and communication is the heartbeat of every relationship and the foundation for my show.

How on earth can I present my work for an audience that will be afraid of intimacy?

I am making a massive assumption here.

I read reports about things going back to normal after the Lockdown is over, that is bullshit, things will NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN, not for me.

I find joy in my memories.

In my students.

My travels and my images remind me of how I seeked joy in the truth of all things, the expression of life.

Right now, my joy is simple; I am alive.

My mother is alive and I fight everyday to hold on to the love we share.

I feel blessed and privileged to still enjoy my craft, I study and practice every day, if only for my pleasure.

My Camera and daily walks are my respite, my quantum of solace.

Finding joy begins with looking within.

Gratitude for the now, not the past and certainly not tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Life occurs right now.

Thanks for reading. X